{"id":584,"date":"2025-11-21T16:15:41","date_gmt":"2025-11-21T16:15:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/?p=584"},"modified":"2026-03-21T14:01:47","modified_gmt":"2026-03-21T14:01:47","slug":"before-the-test","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/?p=584","title":{"rendered":"Before the Test"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Preconception Reflection &amp; the Wisdom of Rilke<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-audio\"><audio controls src=\"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/NoteGPT_Speech_1774101665538.mp3\"><\/audio><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em>A Doula\u2019s Guide to Listening to Your Life Before Pregnancy Begins<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rainer Maria Rilke\u2019s <em>Letters to a Young Poet<\/em> is a small but powerful book composed of ten letters written between 1902 and 1908. A young aspiring poet named Franz Kappus had reached out to Rilke for guidance, and instead of offering technical advice, Rilke responded with deeply reflective, philosophical letters about life, solitude, truth, fear, creativity, and inner necessity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There is no plot. No chapters. No storyline.<br>Instead, the book unfolds as a series of intimate responses\u2014each letter an invitation to turn inward, trust oneself, and build a life based on what is deeply true rather than what is externally expected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Letters to a Young Poet - Full Audiobook - Rainer Maria Rilke\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/39D8QS4CtrI?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>It is in one of these letters that Rilke offers the guidance that has touched generations:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">**\u201cThis most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple \u2018I must,\u2019<br>then build your life in accordance with this necessity.\u201d**<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rilke was speaking about writing, but the wisdom applies to every life-shaping decision, including the ones women face long before a pregnancy ever occurs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Preconception: The Quiet Space Before a Choice Exists<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When women talk to me after a positive pregnancy test\u2014whether they are considering (in unplanned turbulent situations) parenting, adoption, or abortion\u2014many say something like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cI didn\u2019t think about any of this ahead of time.\u201d<\/em><br>or<br><em>\u201cIf I had been honest with myself earlier, I would\u2019ve made different choices.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Preconception is the overlooked stage of reproductive wellbeing. It is the quiet, reflective space <strong>before<\/strong> conception\u2014when women have the power to make decisions rooted in clarity rather than crisis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rilke\u2019s call to look inward, to ask questions in \u201cthe most silent hour of your night,\u201d mirrors the soul-work that preconception truly requires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Listening to Your Truth Before There Is Pressure<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Every woman deserves a private moment of truth long before pregnancy is on the table:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>What do I want for my life?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do I desire motherhood now, later, or not at all?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Am I emotionally ready for any possible outcome of sex\u2014including pregnancy?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do I feel safe and respected in my relationship?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do my finances support a pregnancy\u2014or a possible abortion\u2014right now?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Would motherhood today support the life I am building\u2014or derail it?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Rilke teaches the poet to find the answer that arises from the deepest part of the self.<br>As a doula, I invite women into that same inner conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Partner Selection: The Truth That Shapes Every Future Decision<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Most unplanned pregnancies do not come from irresponsibility.<br>They come from <strong>trusting the wrong partner<\/strong> or <strong>avoiding honest evaluation of a relationship<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Preconception means pausing long enough to ask:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Is this man dependable?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Does he share similar values around children, timing, contraception, and abortion?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Would he support me emotionally in pregnancy\u2014or abandon me?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Would he contribute financially\u2014or create financial burden?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Would I want a lifelong tie to him if things fell apart?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Does this relationship feel safe? Stable? Mature?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Would this be someone I want to co-parent with for 18+ years?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Rilke\u2019s message is simple:<br><strong>Act only from necessity, not from pressure or fantasy.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A relationship built on hope rather than reality can turn into a crisis quickly if pregnancy occurs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The Financial Reality Women Deserve to Consider Honestly<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Financial stability is not superficial\u2014it is foundational.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Pregnancy, parenting, and abortion all have financial components. Preconception is the time to ask:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Can I afford a pregnancy, even if I don\u2019t want one?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do I rely on a partner who is inconsistent with money?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Would pregnancy tie me financially to someone unstable?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do I have savings, insurance, and access to care if I needed an abortion?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Does having a child now align with my income, career, and goals?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Your worth is never determined by income.<br>But financial clarity protects your future self\u2014and any future children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rilke instructs us to \u201cbuild our lives in accordance with necessity.\u201d<br>Stability is a necessity.<br>Preparation is a necessity.<br>Financial truth is a necessity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">**\u201cIf the answer rings out in assent\u2026\u201d<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Finding Your Yes, Your No, or Your Not Now**<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rilke says that when the answer is real, it will be clear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This applies beautifully to preconception:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Some women feel a deep \u201cyes\u201d to motherhood.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Some feel \u201cno,\u201d or \u201cnot right now.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Some feel \u201cI need stability first.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Some feel \u201cnot with this partner.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Some feel \u201cnot with these finances.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Some feel \u201cI would choose abortion if I became pregnant today.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Your answer is sacred.<br>Your answer is allowed to evolve.<br>Your answer deserves respect\u2014not judgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>\u201cBuild your life in accordance with this necessity.\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This is where Rilke\u2019s wisdom becomes reproductive empowerment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you know your truth:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Choose contraception that supports your goals.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Strengthen boundaries around sex and relationships.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Set financial goals that support the future you want.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Seek partners who match your values, not your loneliness.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Choose motherhood when it is truly a calling, not a crisis.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Prepare emotionally and practically if abortion would be your choice.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Protect your time, your goals, your energy, and your future.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Building your life \u201caccording to necessity\u201d means acting from truth\u2014not fear, not pressure, not avoidance, not hope that someone will \u201cchange.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Your Life. Your Timing. Your Necessity.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Preconception is not just about preventing pregnancy.<br>It is about protecting your life\u2014and your future children\u2014from chaos, confusion, and regret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You deserve:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>emotional safety<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>financial stability<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>healthy relationships<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>reliable contraception<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>education<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>boundaries<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>autonomy<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>clarity<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Your truth matters.<br>Your timing matters.<br>Your future matters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And whether your answer is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>I must.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>I must not.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Not now.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Not with him.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Not under these finances.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Only when I am ready\u2014fully and truthfully.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>you deserve to build your life in alignment with that necessity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because your future is worth protecting long before the test ever turns positive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As Always,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>~Talitha<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Preconception Reflection &amp; the Wisdom of Rilke A Doula\u2019s Guide to Listening to Your Life Before Pregnancy Begins Rainer Maria Rilke\u2019s Letters to a Young Poet is a small but powerful book composed of ten letters written between 1902 and 1908. A young aspiring poet named Franz Kappus had reached out to Rilke for guidance, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":585,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[179],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-584","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-grey-in-between"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/584","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=584"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/584\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":652,"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/584\/revisions\/652"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/585"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=584"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=584"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lalossandabortiondoula.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=584"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}